Originally written for SecEd Magazine and published on 01.07.2025. Photo credit: Vecteezy.
Your first year in teaching can be tough. By the time you have wrestled with a class of 30 sugar-rushed year 8s, deciphered numerous interpretations of what constitutes “completed homework”, and learned the uncanny ability to drink coffee cold, you may think you’re ready for anything. And then you meet the parents.
Don’t get me wrong, the vast majority of parents are not to be feared. I would estimate that well over 80% of the parents I deal with are lovely, lovely people – generally supportive and grateful for all that teachers do. Moreover, parental engagement can be effective in raising student outcomes (EEF, 2018; 2025).
However, about 20% can be a tad trickier and some of those, probably half, can be a bit of a pain and somewhat at odds with accepting that – shock! – schools have rules and that we all need to play our part in getting the youth of today to do the right thing.
As students come in all flavours of chaos, so too do their grown-ups: from the empathetic “How do you put up with them?” to the full-blown “I want to meet the head because someone threw a snowball at my daughter”.
This unscientific guide, blending practical advice, a bit of research, and mild sarcasm, will I hope help you to navigate the often-bizarre, sometimes-brilliant world of parent-teacher interactions.
Types of parent
While researchers like Baumrind (1971) have categorised parenting into authoritative, authoritarian and permissive, those of us in the field might suggest more nuance. My list is not quite as rigorous as Epstein’s (1987) Framework of Six Types of Parent Involvement, but it is built upon my own experiences as a classroom teacher, head of department (of RE, which can stir parents’ secular passions), pastoral lead, and senior leader. It starts with some generalisations, before discussing how to handle communication with parents, parent meetings, and what to do when things get heated or difficult.
1. The ally
Behaviour: Asks thoughtful questions. Works with you, not against you. Supports consequences, values resilience, and does not panic over a single bad grade.
Strategy: Engage them! These are the golden parents. Ask for feedback, include them on parent panels/forums and let them know how much they are appreciated. They remind us why home-school partnerships matter.
2. The fellow educator
Behaviour: This parent has friends who work in education or was once a school governor. Begins every sentence with: “Well, I have friends who work in schools…” Offers unsolicited lesson advice. Uses 1980s teaching lingo. Says “chalk and talk” a lot.
Strategy: Nod respectfully while internally screaming. Then gently pivot to modern methods – cite the Education Endowment Foundation Teaching and Learning Toolkit or Rosenshine’s 2012 Principles of Instruction. Use phrases like “research-informed practice” as a polite forcefield.
3, The ghost
Behaviour: Has a child. Probably. Unconfirmed. May appear on year 11 results day.
Strategy: While often impossible to contact, keep trying but do not take avoidance personally. These parents may be dealing with significant external pressures, such as work, language barriers or even chronic forgetfulness (see Lefebvre, 2025). Use multiple channels: text, email, phone. This is often the saddest situation. If you are genuinely concerned, raise with middle/senior leaders, safeguarding or pastoral staff. But never give up on these parents.
4. The helicopter
Behaviour: Knows the timetable better than you. Sends three emails before lunch. Refers to “our homework”, “our English exam”, and says things like: “What are we going to do about it?”
Strategy: These parents mean well and are generally supportive but may get difficult if grades do not reflect their idealistic view of their child, or if not enough homework is set. More problematic is their involvement in doing their child’s homework. In meetings, cite research on independent learning – according to Ryan & Deci’s Self-Determination Theory (2000), autonomy supports motivation. Tell them you are fostering that – it sounds impressively academic.
5. The keyboard warrior
Behaviour: Lives in the class WhatsApp group. Reacts emotionally to school communications, often without reading them properly. As such, misinformation spreads fast.
Strategy: Assume all emails are being screenshot and shared. Be clear, factual, and calm – even if the topic is “URGENT: Lost Waterbottle”. If conflict brews, request a face-to-face meeting. They are often far more reasonable in person. And breathe – most of them mean well(ish).
6. The lawyer
Behaviour: Always ready with a counterpoint. Their child is never wrong. Has memorised every school policy.
Strategy: Stay calm. Document everything. Refer to policies like holy scripture. Say “As per school policy” instead of “Because I said so”. Do not engage in lengthy email battles. If the situation escalates, refer upwards – middle and senior leaders are your friends.
7. The rose-tinted defender
Behaviour: Loves their child fiercely, but also believes their child has never lied, never been rude, and definitely did not kick that boy. Responses often include: “That’s very out of character”, “Another child told them to do it”, or “Are you sure it was them?”.
Strategy: This type of parent has been studied by actual academics (Leiden University, 2021). Acknowledge the love. Then gently steer the conversation toward growth and boundaries. Use inclusive language like “we” over “you” and “I”. In most cases, their protectiveness softens by year 9 as the child slowly grinds them down at home.
Communication
It is important, where possible, to keep all of these types of parents happy and informed of their child’s progress and behaviour at school.
While some children need more calls and emails home than others and, inevitability, some parents need more support or reassurance than others, communication is key to establishing solid parent-teacher relations.
First, email or call home with positives where possible. I ask my House Team (form tutors) to try and call all parents at some point throughout the year with a positive call, starting – in year 8 – with the most difficult students (or parents).
A study by Kraft and Rogers (2015) found that positive communication with parents increased student engagement and achievement. You don’t need to write essays – just keep them in the loop.
When it comes to those 20% of tricky, potentially difficult, parents, there is a golden rule: document everything. That conversation you had on the phone about Tyler’s being “bullied”, which seemed a little tit-for-tat because Tyler is not always pleasant himself? Log it.
If it is not written down, it didn’t happen. If it’s not followed up, the next time Tyler needs to serve detention after school or be isolated, it will be raised. If you have ended a call acknowledging that Mischa might have an underlying learning need, email the SENCO before you forget.
Meetings
Meetings are often needed. They can explore problems faced by students, explain incidents that have only been partially recounted at home, and reassure parents that you care. In most cases, parents appreciate your time, are far less scary in person, and leave with good will towards you and the school.
However, when preparing for a meeting with an infamously challenging parent, treat it like you’re about to appear on Dragons’ Den:
- Bring relevant evidence (mark books, homework logs, screenshots if necessary).
- If behaviour-related, get statistics for the number and severity of incidents that have occurred.
- If related to another member of staff, speak to them first. Do not be afraid to delay meetings until you have the facts.
- Do not go it alone. Always invite a colleague or senior leader. There is strength in numbers and also witnesses.
And, I know this is obvious, but be polite and diplomatic even if they are somewhat frosty or become emotional. If things get heated, don’t be afraid to end the meeting. If they are abusive or overly disparaging about colleagues or the school, I would end it regardless.
Protecting your sanity
Parents will sometimes criticise your methods, your tone, your qualifications or even your hairstyle and dress sense (yes, this has happened twice in my career), and the fact that their child failed a test despite having revised “for hours and hours” so it must be your fault! Remember:
- It is not always about you.
- You are not the only one.
- You are the professional.
- The other parents rate you.
- If I am to be mildly ungenerous: They may have too much time on their hands (I am always amazed that the most critical parents do not seem to have jobs).
- They lack any real power, so they are having a go at you.
- The problem is probably a result of poor parenting.
So do not take it home with you and do not question your own abilities. Take a walk, drink some tea, scream into a pillow, etc. Teaching is emotional labour and boundaries are vital.
Final thoughts
As my colleague Anthony Smith has told me, parents are not the enemy. They just come from a different perspective – one where their child is the main character. Your job is to partner with them (or, in some cases, manage them diplomatically) to support student growth. Remember, you came into this profession to give young people life chances. That’s your mission. Sometimes parents get in the way of this, but it is just part of our job to overcome that.
Again, remember that most parents are supportive and have the utmost respect for what you do – as do I, so thank you.
Further information & resources
- Baumrind: Current patterns of parental authority, Developmental Psychology (4,1), 1971.
- Education Endowment Foundation (EEF): Working with parents to support children’s learning, 2018: https://buff.ly/u1Xwxpf
- Education Endowment Foundation (EEF): Parental engagement, 2025: https://buff.ly/iL7raol
- Epstein: Toward a theory of family-school connections. In Social Intervention: Potential and constraints, Hurrelman et al (eds), DeGruyter, 1987.
- Kraft and Rogers: The underutilized potential of teacher-to-parent communication, Economics of Education Review 47, 2015: https://buff.ly/PW4oMAh
- Lefebvre: “Ghost parents”: Who they are and why teachers need to get them on board, Bored Teachers, accessed 2025: https://buff.ly/aSRgRXT
- Leiden University: How do parents’ brains react to feedback about their child? 2021: https://buff.ly/Ih1Cdxo
- Ryan & Deci: Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and wellbeing, American Psychologist (55,1), 2000: https://buff.ly/oQXzLuK
Photo credit: VecteezyVecteezy (used under a Creative Commons Licence)
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